Torn

I'm a torn person.  I want this and want that which leads to not wanting this or that.  I want to live in odd places.  I like living in odd places.  After some time, I start to feelin' like I don't wanna live in those places. Arrr.  I want to live in Detroit, yet I don't wanna live here.  I am content serving donuts and then I get annoyed serving donuts.  I wanna find another church and then I don't want to find another church.  I wanna go on vacation and then I decide I'd rather spend time here.  Why????????

Yesterday I sit on a chair for several hours looking at jobs.  I never applied for a one.  Why?? It takes so long to fill out these stupid applications and then I never hear anything back.  I've decided that I'm here because that is where I am supposed to be.  I could change it, but it wouldn't do any good.  I'd be brought back here at some point.  I made the very very difficult decision to leave my job in the cold hard town just to wanna go back.  So, here is sit again in front of the computer.  I ain't doing anything constructive.  The car needs washed and the clothes needs to be folded, but here is sit.

I'm just eager to find out what the next few months brings.  I have no idea what it will be.  I'd like to go to a cold bright place where the sun shines and the birds sing.  However, I am quite sure that it will be some place else.  First I have to get my eyes fixed.  I'm a scared more than anybody knows, but I hear it is worth it.  Perhaps I'll be able to see the world in a more brighter way.

More Time

It seems to me that I have way too much time.  I worked so much up there in the cold hard town that I became used to it.  Now, I ain't got a real job and the days seem long.  I can't say that I'm bored. They's too much to do. I remember listening to people who didn't work say, "I'm so busy." It used to kill me.  What were they thinking?  Now I know that they were busy doing other important things.  Stuff needs done no matter if you have a 'job' or not.

The more time I'm away from the cold hard town, I miss it.  There are more things about the place that bother me than those that I really like.  It ain't like I can change the annoying things.  They just are what they are.  Knowing every single person who you might pass at the grocery store is annoying to me.  I wanna be in a place where I don't know everyone.  Knowing some people is good, but not every single one.  Putting a diet pop in the buggy and having 3 people mention it the next day is an odd feeling.  Why do they care?   What do I miss?  I miss the people that are so real.  You know if someone is a jerk or not there within a few times of chatting it up.  There is much less pretending because you can't there.  Everything is in the open.  People in the cities needs to learn how to do that.  Just be real!!

I need more time to find a job before I'm jobless.  It certainly ain't fun to be jobless.  I mean... I have a lame job, but it is far too lame to make a living.  Time slips by so fast and every day an opportunity goes away.  I know that if I keep a lookin', I'll find something cool.  Who knows what's next?

Time without a shower in your house is very annoying.  I 'need' a shower every single day.  It makes the whole day work out better for me.  I don't feel nasty! Who wants that?  Hopefully, time will fix this.  I will make more of an effort to post more often.  It has been a long time since I last wrote.