Thursday, January 5, 2012

Skin Me

I'm so sick of my skin issues.  I hate them.  They come and they go and they change more than one changes underwear.  I've come the end of the rope so it seems.  I'm a-scared to go to the doctors because they ain't got the slightest idea what it is.  I think I have something simple this time.  However, they will give me 5 different things and send me on my way.  As my aunt says, 'They don't know the difference between a ass and a hole in the ground'.  I agree.  I will give it a shot and try and hit up a skin doctor, but it just makes my skin crawl to think of all of the lame things they told me last time about what I mighta coulda had.

I'm gonna try and get my eyes fixed soon.  I hate wearing glasses and the surgery is much less expensive here than back in the US.  I'll try and figure that out soon.  I have 2 weeks vacation, so why not try and get it done during that time since I ain't got a chance to head home for my vacation.  I have to figure out how to get my work visa put into my new passport so that should be fun.  I don't see why it needs to be so difficult sometimes over here.  I live like an all grown adult, but yet as a child.  I feel like nothing but a tiny little piss ant crawling among all of the people running around here too.  I'll be able to see better and it might not be so annoying after the surgery.  All of the people running around makes my eyes even more foggy.

I want to skin myself when I think of the election coming up.  I am so sad to see the country going in the direction it is going in.  It is just sad.  Where did all of the greatness of the country go.  I can remember that just a few years ago when I was right proud to be American and part of such an amazing country.  Now, I am more excited about the Grand Canyon and the mighty Mississippi than the political landscape.  My head's a hurtin' just thinking of it now.  How can we have such a sick system.  They are all not for me or my beliefs or my family or my church or my career or my community back home.  I'm an alien here too.  I even have a card to prove it, but my American passport that I just got failed to give me a bright feeling when I got it back in the mail this time.  I remember proudly reading through it last time I got one renewed.  I ain't so content with the state of the country anymore.  It just makes me sad.  I mean really sad.  Politics makes me sick now.  I used to like it, but now I am just wanting to know what is going on, but I get sad reading instead of excited.  My skin curls.  So sad!

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Chapter

It looks like a new chapter of my life is about to open.  It is the kind of thing that was only a dream just a few months ago.  They was no way that I could have done any of this alone.  I guess that this is one of those times that I am a bit angry at God for no reason. I can't place my anger, but I know with my head that all that is happening is good and is a gift that I only kind of earned.  I only done so well because of the support of others.  I am just not a person that can do things alone very well.  I can do almost nothing well all by myself.  I remember having a good friend sign me up for classes in university.  I wasn't exactly able to even use the computer well enough or sift through all of them dumb courses in the booklet.

I am just at a point where I cannot even start to think that I done it alone.   It is evident that Jesus is in control and I am not.  I fight to be in control of things and I fail.  I give up and God pulls through for me.  How is it possible that I landed this job? I went with a friend to the interview because it is fairly scary to travel alone in Korea to an interview at a top level school alone.  I'd be able to do it in the US without thinking, but not here.  Things are different and I can't speak much Korean.  My friend couldn't either, but we are dumb together.  That is the way to do it.  I sit through the interview and I give it my best.  Them 30 minutes were fairly short.  Time flew by and I don't recall too many details except the awkward times.  I walked out of the room and walked clear in the wrong direction instead of remembering where I had come in.  Then I went out and found my friend.  I said, "What you do?"  He said, "I don't know, but you got that."  I went on to tell the good and bad things about the interview and the questions that they asked and everthing else I could come up with.
Two weeks after, I seen this girl in our language exchange group.  She ask me about the job.  I told her that I wasn't sure and she went on to tell me that I didn't get the job.  She was sure.  How could someone just come right out and say that.  I don't know.  Are you serious?

I had to renew my passport and the courier company lost my passport for 1 week.  That ain't cool when you don't have an easy way to renew it here.  I needed it.  Not fun!!  It was found and got delivered today.  I continued to doubt each and every part.  I don't trust in God when he is clearly in control and I am not.  So, the chapter is a new one, but it ain't a clearly written one.  I know I can do this job, but I can't do it in my own strength.  I pray that this month will be filled with a calm feeling rather than anxiety about stuff that I ain't able to control.