Monday, September 28, 2009


The kids say that 'cool' stuff is 'sick' here. I am sick again. I try to stay late at school and grade papers and I often go back at night to see what needs done. I ain't got to look far. I could stay there 'til the cows come home' and I ain't a gonna see the light of day. I'm a sinkin' in work and they aint' no way around it. Just when I start to thinkin' that I'm about to get ahead I get knocked backwards a few feet. So, all in all it ain't sick. However, I'm sick. I can't kick this here cold. Meetings are draining me. If I didn't have them, I'd get ahead. I am not able to keep up with everything and do that too. I struggle of the mornings to get up and do it again.

What are you sick of? Does that thing also make your world turn? Is it a person or a job or a place? I so easily get sick of those things just to miss them when I am gone? I get annoyed so easily with this and that and I am not in control of any of it. Just when I get to thinkin' that I am in control, it all falls apart. I do not want to be in control. Nothing works out when I am in control anyway. I prefer that I not be in control.

Obamer Sucks

I can't stand a thing this guy has done except approve shooting that terrorist punk in the ship a while back. What has he done for me? Nothing! What has he done for my country? NOTHING! Oh wait... he had a shit-ton of money printed. It makes me sick to think of the false ONE. He ain't what he promised and his approval keeps a sinkin'. I just looked online and seen the most annoying thing I've seen in a while. He wants to take away my summer vacation the first year that I've gotten to get it. Keep the kids in school longer so they can 'learn'. Well, kids ain't a learnin' cuz their parents aren't keeping up with them. They want the teachers to raise their kids while they work for the mighty dollar. Of course, it is better to have money than knowledge or a 'normal' family life. Oh... excuse me, I can't say 'normal' cuz that ain't PC.

It has been a while since I last bothered with national politics cuz I'm in the great state of Alaska where it is okay to have a gun among many other things. I am not pro-gun nor anti-gun, but I've seen so many people with guns and it seems like they are responsible and use it for protection and hunting. I ain't got a gun, nor do I really want one. Just felt political today. I am not sure why. I am so glad that I don't have to be PC here. I am just myself among so many types of people. There is no edge here. I love that about here.

I guess the story about Obamer a wantin' to take my vacation from me in hopes of 'education' is a joke. First 'No Child Left Behind' from Mr. Bush and now this! Arrrrrr. I am not happy about this. Futhermore, I support babies!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Stress and Work

I am so tired right now. This week has been way too busy. I ain't able to remember all that I done and all that should have been done that wadn't. It is Friday and the week has sped by so fast. I come home with 5 folders plumb full of stuff to grade. I have dinner plans at 4pm and I am expecting a phone call at 12. I am supposed to lift at 1:30 and also serve at the youth center from 8-10. So, I have no time on Saturday to correct this huge pile of papers. I would like to scream.

Here I sit at the kitchen table trying to correct online work as I write a long overdue blog. There's so much to write about and nothing at the same time. Today I worked and then went out to eat at a restaurant. For two of us to eat it was $50. Whatever, it is 'The Cold Hard Town'. I then went to the beach for the first time. It was interesting. The cliff was awesome with the sand showing all the layers of sand. We made tidal streams flow as we kicked back the rocks from a tidal pool and found several moose legs randomly laying on the beach. They could have been from either bear or moose hunters. We then drove down a long dirt road toward a lake. We stopped to climb a hill filled with tundra cranberries and seen the most awesome view of the mountains in the background. The sunset shined off of the lake and the shadows was amazing. It was the most amazingest thing I've seen since I got here.

On the way home I stopped at the friend's house to pick him up a coke and he showed me his insect collection. He had stopped while we was a walkin' on the beach to pick him up a moth. It was funny. He also blowed snot rockets about every 5 minutes. It was very funny. For some reason he carried his gun on the tundra, but not on the beach. LOL! They's evidence of bear on the beach, but none on the tundra. Whatever, I lived.

I stopped up at the youth center after all of this for 1 1/2 hours. It is a bit of an escape for me. It is about 2 city blocks down the way. They's some super funny people who goes there. I enjoy them a ton. Who knows what that will bring?

I got a funny message on my answering machine and it was from exactly who I thought it would be from. I knew that the machine would get at least one crazy message per week. I was happy to laugh. Now I am not laughing. I must work and it is 11pm on a Friday night. I will do the least amount to where I feel as if I done my part for the night. I know that works a gonna be waitin' me in the morning. Arrr.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Lots to Do!

I've come to the point of breaking in many ways. I spend hours upon hours at the school. It is a place of peace. I can go up to my room and work for hours. I ain't able to do all that needs done. I mean never. I also have so many other things going on. I attended a meeting for the youth center grant for several hours on Sunday after correcting papers til the cows came home. Sunday must become a day of rest. That's my goal. I ain't able to do it quite yet, but that day's a rollin' 'round the corner. The snows a gonna fall soon too. I want to pick berries some more. I run out of berries for my oatmeal because I wasn't hardworking enough to gather enough for even one month let alone a winter. Arr.

I decided today that I was going to go to a friend's house to watch a football game. I don't like football too much. I prefer hockey cuz it is of the Mother Land. I ain't gonna say that too loud here cuz there's some serious hate for Canadian miners around here. I ain't got an opionion on it yet, but I do know that it is a touchy topic to say the least around here. After the game I went to unpack a huge box of food that people back home sent me. I liked many a thing in that box. It was like X-mas! I love getting boxes. I get a little yellow card in my PO box and it is super awesome. After that I went to the gym at the school across the road. They finally give me a key to the weight room. I'z a waitin' on a guy to give it to me for a month. Finally, they give it to me. I was going to go and bother a neighbor and ask him to figure out a different way to connect me to the Internet, cuz this dumb wireless ain't been a workin' in 1 week. It worked and I didn't know what to do other than get on here and write a blog. I sit here now thinking that I must go work for an hour before the morning cuz I know we have a meeting in the morning. I am never never never done.

I was planning on hanging out with my elf after school for the whole afternoon, but I realized that I commited to working at the youth center at 4:30 and she has to be at the 'Teen Tuesday" at 6. So, we gonna have to wait a bit and hang after. I was also looking forward to celebrating a friend's birthday on Wednesday, but I got open house at the school. And no, I ain't ready. I know it is two days from now, but I simply ain't ready. Needless to say, the birthday ain't gonna get celebrated until the weekend.

They's things that I'd love to say on this blog that just ain't able to be shared. They's no point in talking in 'code' cuz everyone knows everything here, so I just can't. They's part of me that wants to share funny or droll things with you, but this simply ain't the forum. I'll be happy to laugh with you'uns when I get back for X-mas. And yes....., they's been 2 mentions of X-mas (which makes 3 at this point, so I am ready to see everyone!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Cold Hard Night

Well, it is official. Fall has come. The leafs have done turned colors. Driving down the road here makes me chill a bit. I am not chill much these days. They's work issues which are not under my control. I take the issues home and that stresses me out. Ain't that life? I have decided that I am a worker at heart. I knew that before with my 5 jobs and school, but here I really know it. I want the best and the most of the best all of the time. Why do I do this to myself when I know it isn't the best? Being busy isn't the best, but I want it anyway. I 'member when I tried to not work in the summer and I kept work 5 days a week until 3 days before I left to come here and work more. Time is gold to me and also Satan at the same time.

I've had some funny experiences here. One happened today when I talked to a student in 8th grade who told me that he likes to wake up early on the weekends and club birds on the side of the road. I guess they got a defense thing that includes holding still. Well, he just clubs them in the head and picks 'em up for food. So funny! I know of a grandma in town who carries a club in her back seat in order to do that too. I wish my grandma would have done funny things like that.

I'm going on a field trip on Friday. It is funny, cuz I am supposed to teach them what they already know. I have hardly picked berries in my life except behind my family's house with my uncle. Not exactly an expert! So, I will supervise! LOL!!!

I have not took a nap today unlike most good days. I try and take me a nap of at least 30 minutes since I never get more than 6 1/2 hours of rest per night. I know that it ain't healthy, but I keep a doin' it. My Internet ain't workin' at my house at the moment for an unknown reason and the owner of the Inn ain't super helpful with it. Wow, they's some funny stories with that place. At least I have two sets of awesome neighbors. We share food all of the time. It goes like this, "Hey, I got some extra chicken." and "Here's some pie that I ain't able to finish." It is pretty funny. Often on the way out of whomever's house, food is passed along. I stopped by a neighbor's house tonight and he said that he's a gonna give me some of his friend's moose meat. Really interesting. Sort of like a built in silo everywhere.

It is really not cold or hard here at this point. They's just stuff a goin' on all of the time and no time to do anything extra. They's dirty dishes of the evening when I get home and rice that needs cooked for lunch and a shit-ton of papers a waitin' on me. I ain't but a day in advance with the planning and I ain't able to get ahead. I keep a truckin' along. I look forward to Sunday every week. I look forward to the Sunday that will not include a trip to the school for a single thing. Tonight, at 10:40.... I sit in my classroom listening to youtube and writing all of this down. I know this is random, but I love random.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

A Trip

This place is a trip. I can't keep up. I know that I say that in every post, but time goes by too fast here. The amount of work that I have to do is above what I ever dreamt it would be. It is a place that is so cool and that welcomes better than most, but it still needs help more than most places. The chances to serve people here are more than there. You ain't got to look far and you see needs beyond what one can do. Tonight I was at a youth event and a teen was talking about his family history. Wow! He felt very able to tell me the details of a not so wonderful life in a way that was truly meaningful and not odd. I had never met him before. I must have this thing on my face that says come and tell me stuff about yourself. I can remember being back in Detroit and stuff like that would happen. I done this experiment with a friend once and I just sit there at a bench and waited. Within 4 minutes a foreign person ask me a question. This place is no different, but it is a trip unlike any other.

I went to a potluck for new people at the bingo hall tonight. They's lots of cool people there. That's how it goes! I eat turkey and it was super awesome. It was cool. After that a friend give me a ride to the youth center where I watched as a kid used a huge rubber band to welt hisself and others while he laughed out of control. It was amusing in the least. I laughed out of control if you could imagine that. The weather turned from rainy and in the 50s to partly sunny and in the 50s in the evening which give me a smile.

I will have an answering machine soon. I have a little helper who went to Anchorage. This elf will be bringing me some gifts and that is one of them. I am excited that you'uns who wanna leave messages can. I can't call back, but I still can laugh at the messages. I can imagine the funny ones now. I know in advance who will make funny noises and say funny things. I can't wait. That will also be a trip.


Youth have always been a part of my life since as far back as I can think. Tonight I got together to start to thinkin' about a grant for the youth center here in town. It is the only thing in the region that serves youth in the ways that I see fit. They provide everything from homework help to a place to exercise. They's not a ton to do here, so some find ways of spending their time in ways that ain't the best. I'd just like to see more stuff for kids to do here rather than get into stuff that ain't the best.

I can't believe that I am helping to write a grant. What the heck? It is just very different than anything I've ever done, but more of the same. The building needs a ton of support. First off, there is really nothing in between the walls and it gets mighty cold up here in the winter. I'm a- scared to see winter in fact. I don't have far to walk to work, but I do have to make the walk. I went to the gas station today and seen a student who had a puppy under a sweatshirt. It was funny to see. Nobody even bothered to care unless she showed them. I got a $3 huge diet pop which made my day. I drunk it like somebody could steal it or take it from me. The simple things excite me here when I get them. A pop.... for real!

It is the weekend and they's more work to do than I can imagine on my worst day. New books came for 7th and 8th grade for the first time in a LONG TIME. I just got extra training on an online reading program. Between the both of 'em, I ain't got a clue what's gonna happen in my classes in the near future. Time goes by and I just allow it to pass me by. I worked until 8ish tonight and dread the morning because I know I ain't gonna work as fast or as long as I ought to.
The grades are due on Sunday night and I don't want parents a callin' and a screamin'. I must get it done.

I just wanna sleep right now.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Why Do I Make Plans?

I make plans to go to the gym and I end up picking berries. I plan on going to this church and I end up at another. I plan on teaching this that or the other and I teach something else. Why do I have to be confused. Might could I find a path? I do have a place to lay my head.

I am excited for this weekend. They's so many papers to correct, but time's a flyin' by so fast this week cuz of Labor Day. I have so much a goin' on. Do this, copy that and correct everything. I am going out of my mind in a good way. Why did I have 5 jobs and have it easy while going to school? How was that possible? I just have a lot of questions. So many I can't imagine.

I had plans to go to the gym today, but I ended up in the forest picking wild cranberries for someone else to make jelly. What has went wrong with me? Time is my enemy here! I try to connect with people here while not being lost in what's happening back 'home'. I can't call out and I don't have an answering machine, so I ain't got no idea if people have called or not. I then get e-mails saying....., "WTF"?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Here I Sit!

There's tastes of home here now. I feel a bit like it is home. I have my own bed, shower and sink full of dishes. I come in the door too late to do all that needs done here at 'home'. I still don't know where the time goes here. The days don't drag at all. I simply wake up and go to sleep and whatever happens in between is mass chaos every day. I am so far behind and so far ahead. I am still confused of the morning when I stumble out of my door after eating a bowl of oatmeal. There's too much that needs done. Where can I turn for peace in this peaceful place?

I remember the week before I left to come here. I forgot to go to work for the first time in my life. I was in Ann Arbor helping a friend move a couch and realized that I had done missed work. I amazingly got paid. However, today after having signed up for a tech. class, I forgot to go. My head was a hurtin' beyond believe and I just walked home and took me a much needed nap. Just after getting up I went to have dinner with some friends and then to another friend's house. They just got back from a real city where they had a Taco Bell and they brung me a taco and bean burrito. I was so happy! After having eat moose today two times, a good bit of Taco Bell seems like heaven. I will eat it for supper. Or will I go to another potluck? Who knows? The days pass so fast here, but here I sit!

I have splendid music playing which brings me back to places other than this kitchen table. Things are certainly different here. I am now looking at my fouton which has two bags of food that was sent to me resting on it. I never dreamt that I'd use a fouton for some place to keep food. I never dreamt that I'd be getting in from work after 11 pm two nights in a row and still feel like I'm just a driftin' along. Where is this place that I am? The Cold Hard Town is just that, cold and hard, but it ain't that bad.

I fear the nights here. Not because it is dark or anything like that, but because I know one more day has past and not enough has got done. I labor hard, but I don't. This place brings confusion at times and great peace at others. I'm still trying to figure out if I wanna stay long. Who knows what time will bring? I do know that I truly wanna drive a car and roll down the windows, and go thru a drive-thru, and see everyone. I will have to buy a ticket soon for Christmas. I am excited to be there and affraid to leave here and reverse. Interesting things going on in my mind.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Calm Cool Evening

I woke up and went to work. I hardly had an idea what I was doing as I rushed to school early to figure out I mostly knew what was going on. I must be early and stay late even when I am not doing much of anything there. It isn't that I have an obsession with the job, it is that I am doing something that I like. It ain't hard, but it is. I remain clueless, but the pieces are a fallin' in place. The wind was a blowin' and the rain was pourin' as I walked to school in the morning. Feeling the drops of water beat against my face was not so fun. My throat was a hurtin' like nobody's business. I guess that is what happens when I am exausted.

I took me a nap unlike most today after work. I heard somebody a knockin' on the door and ignored whoever it was. I still ain't got no idea who it was. My phone rung and woke me up and it was a friend. There was a ton to say, but I felt distant from 'home' for the first time. I guess I'm here now and not there. The idea of place is important to me. I identify with place more than other things. Places are special. I went next door to hang out with my cool neighbors. They remind me of friends back home. They are real and have a focus in life like many would only dream of. I left early cuz the weather had turned mild and sunny at 8:30 pm. I walked to the gas station where I got me a 'big gulp' like drink for $3 which is super cheap here. It was worth the walk. I went to walkin' thinking that I was simply going for a drink. As I walked down the narrow road I was amazed by the view. The boats in the harbor was covered by fog and the mountains in the background were lit by the sun as it was a shinin' off of the sea. What a cool thing. The gas station worker is a student at the school. I've seen him around school. He was super kind like most people here. They have nothing but each other here. I kind of like that simple way of life. People rely on each other here. If they have enough food, they simply give the rest to whoever is around who might not. Simple but amazing!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Three Weeks and First Sign of Stress

There's still a bit of mass confusion here. Life happens so fast sometimes that you have no idea where the days go. I can't remember the last three weeks. Everything is so fast. I am in the middle of not knowing left from right and up from down. I have found stability in some ways yet more confusion in others. Go early and stay late and go back again to figure out that I still ain't got no idea. Time's a movin' and things a goin down, but I am not so sure I can follow. Confusion rules these days.