Life is so full of choices. I make the choice if I'm gonna post on here or not every day. I usually want to, but something comes up and I don't. They's so much in life that is totally up to us. Actually, I've been in a struggle to understand how much is really up to us and how much God has set up for us. I mean, he prepared good works for us to do before the foundation of Earth. How crazy is that! My main choice every day is if I will follow God or my-own-self. I am sure that it is true for every single human even if they don't know it. Or is it? I don't know to be honest.
I am at the point in my life where I usually know what will happen if I do X,Y or Z. What the heck is wrong with me? The reality is that everyone is just as messed up. Some are better at being able to hide it. Regardless of anything I do, I can't control God. He is there every time I choose to follow or to deny. What is it about this God who sits quiet next to me as I do stupid stuff and then is OK with me despite whatever? How can he tolerate such dumb behavior? I know the reason, but it don't make no sense. I try and figure it out and it is beyond me. I know why, but still I ask myself over and over. Perhaps that's why people keeps coming back around to Him despite our sometimes constant dumbness. This is in fact is not a choice. I ain't able to ignore any of this. So, it is not a choice. Arrr. I got the headache.
All of these things rolls around in my head over and over. My life may seem bad according to this post, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am content in the here and now. I have so much more than I could ever ask for and it's more where that come from. As far as I can see, only good has happened to me. Some bad things have went down, but in the end they've been good. Friends and family has come and went and so have I. I couldn't have guessed any of this when I was 14 or even 17. I've been thinking lately about even being able to think on these things. It just flips me out. We are so complex and it is really true that they ain't nobody who can understand our thinking or our hearts. I get so excited when I talk to people that thinks about these things at all. There's so many who just plunder through life without even a thought on it. This post really has give me the headache, so I better get back to doing something else.