Visits

I was raised in a family that visits.  I don't understand having a life without it.  It simply don't make sense. People can't know each other without it.  Where has this idea vanished to?  Where has it gone?  Sitting 'round the table for hours is just what my family does.  We might move to the couch or not, but an hour isn't enough and it is even seen as rude.  I ain't got a clue how people visits for shorter than that.  We seriously don't hide much if anything about much.  The cold hard truth is said first and it is usually difficult, but hey.. why not?

I've had a few visits that were really cool in the last week.  I'm lucky to get two good visits in a week.  The first one was for a friend's 5 year old bro.  He's in a Muslim family, so bringing a huge Christmas stocking over surely ain't never happened.  I got a stocking bigger than him and packed the bottom with newspaper and filled the rest with some random gifts.  When I walked in the house, my friend's mom looked at me like I was a alien.  It was a bit funny.  She quickly run off to make me some food and my friend's bro was super excited to get his gifts.  She finally come and and visit with us for a few minutes.  After all the gift stuff, we left and my friend told me that when he was 5 a Christian lady would always come over and give gifts and share about Jesus with the family.  He's so thankful for that experience and he's sure that it is a major infulence in his decision for Jesus. 

The most recent visit was with my mom's aunt.  She's the one who is a out of control protector of me.  She's barely able to walk, but she'd kill anyone for talking trash on me.  I'm serious!  She's just so blunt and honest about everything.  It cracks us all up.  She has a fairly limited understanding about the world, but they ain't a single important thing that she don't know for sure.  Interesting how that works!!  Don't ever tell her that you'll bring her something, cuz she'll never forget and she'll even remind you 3-5 times.  It cracks me up.  However, how would you know this unless you was to visit?  It just gets to me that there are so so so many people who just about nobody pays any mind to and they are everywhere.

Rotten Apples and Candy Apples

I've noticed that it's easier to find a rotten apple in a church than anywhere else.  I used to make me mad.  I would ask myself why this was.  I'd get angry at the church.  I'd question anyone who'd listen.  I'd argue with people because I saw it one way and they saw it another.  I've recently come to another understanding.

There's rotten apples everywhere you go.  It's sad, but it is true.  They ain't one place where people gather in groups where there ain't a idiot.  However, the awesome thing is that it is easier to find and notice jerks at church because they are among lots of people that are far from rotten.  There are simply more rotten people in other places.  I refuse to allow rotten apples to ruin all that's good in my church.  They are so few and far between.  I love apples, and rotten ones are just what they are.... rotten.  What else is there to say!

Candy apples are the best I've ever eat in my entire life. I am always willing to pay a pretty penny for them.  I would spend 2.99 every day for one in the Cold Hard Town.  Now that I ain't there, I can get 3 for the same price.  It sure is different to pay 1/3 the price for the same thing.  I was so much more thankful for that apple when it cost more.  It is funny how that works.  Apples come in all shapes and sizes and serve all types of purposes.  I am so glad that apples exist even if some of them cost a lot of money.

Work and Worry

I dream of donuts.  What the heck?  I took me the most amazing rest for 3 entire hours on Sunday.  Why?  I been workin' like an idiot.  Everyone calls off at the lame donut castle, so I end up covering shifts after already being scheduled lots.  The (sorry for putting they. It was a MISTAKE) money I earn is enough to pay for the gas to get there. Ha!

I've had lots to worry about.  I ain't sayin' that I should have been filled with worry, but I'm human I guess.  I wonder how I'll pay for this and that and how I can be two places at once.  I noticed that everyone I know is feeling the same way.  They's this thing called worry that is not a good thing.  It gives stress which is worse.  Then you end up sick and doing less than before.  The good thing is that I give up on all of it about 1 month ago.  At least for now, I ain't worried.  I just go with the flow and do what needs done and that's it.

So, I met this random person from India the other day.  I love random people.  It was amazing cuz he works at a donut shop too. ROFL!  How did you know??  No for real....., each and every time I've seen this guy I felt like I should tell him about Jesus.  I see tons of people every day and I must say that there are only a few people every year that I feel like I should tell them ........................  Well, I finally did tell him.  The funny thing is it wadn't the least bit strange.  It was just a 10 min. conversation.  I guess there have been a few others who have explained it to him, but he still doesn't get it.  Now I have to find him a Hindi Bible.  He told me that he ain't able to understand English that well.  He asked me how much it cost and I told him that I didn't know.  He thought I was a liar. LOL.  How would I know how much a Hindi Bible costs off of the top of my head?? Really??????

Talking

I've always been a talker.  I been talking since I started.  I'll talk to anyone.  The problem with talking to everyone is that there are too many people out there who want to talk to anyone and not a single person will talk to them.  Beyond that, if I have a conversation with anyone, I'm ready to keep talking to that person often.  I want to know what makes people tick.  These conversations often let me in on information that ain't to fun.  That's a sort of obvious one I guess.  Well, in the end I've spent so much time talking and not any time with any focus.  I just talk and talk and talk.  You get the picture.

In linguistics class I learned that guys talk more than girls.  Most people were shocked.  I wadn't at all.  I knew it.  I had a very long conversation with my co-worker about life the other day.  He's just about the only person who freely shares the true good and bad openly with me at work.  I'm glad that they ain't a ton more.  It's not easy to give good advice.  I give him the best advice I could, but I still felt as if I was being above the situation.  I told him what I thought about the situation and then said, "Yep!"  The advice was based on what I thought God wanted him to do and the advice was clear.  He got it!  The amazing thing is that I think that I got more out of his problem than he did.  I guess I should have said that I got more out of the solution. 

Nothing

Today I tried to force myself to write something, but I just couldn't get anything to come up.  I tried and failed.  Failing is not fun.  Even if it is in the smallest of tasks, it isn't fun!  However, when you are not trying anything, nothing gets accomplished.  I been tryin', but I get nothing in the end.  Good thing that nothing needs to be done.

So, today's blog is about nothing.  There's stuff on my mind, but nothing gets put on this screeen. 

I'm Not Taken

Somebody stoled my phone from my work.  I think it was a customer.  I was angry for about 3 minutes and then I realized that it made somebody's day to get it.  I guess they gonna enjoy it more than I did anyway.  It took my time from me.  They wadn't a minute that went by that I didn't think about it when I had forgot it at my house.  It was like a leash.  I used it too much.  No joke! In fact it used me.  I give it my time, energy and money.  For what!!??  I turned around and said to myself that they took my phone, but I got myself back.  Ha!  I'm gonna enjoy only having texting and a much lower phone bill.  I'm not taken!

The news has really gotten to me recently.  This 'white' stabber in Michigan who was after called Jewish and then a Christian Arab is getting on my nerves.  I mean.... how obvious is it people. Wake up!  He worked at a party store in Flint, his mom has a Muslim name (so does he), his neighbor says he was 'religious' and the media has kept a blabbin' about how he could be anything but what he is.  Just google AP stabber story and you'll see for your-own-self.  I tried my best to not believe it.  However, it is what it is.... This makes the third in a sting of mass killings similar to this.  DC then Texas and now this!  Maybe Obamer will have another Ramadan meal at the White House and the stabber can go have a beer and make up with the nation. However, I'm not taken by their hogwash.

Country Done Come to Town

I heard that song on the way over to my friend's house.  It made me think of a visit from my aunt.  I've only seen here 7 times in the last 15 years.  They ain't too much for her to say.  It seems that she wants so badly to not be of humble origins.  It just floors me.  Everything is about class and money.  Why does it have to be about those things?  I really don't care!

I heard her a knockin' on the door.  It was not a good sound.  I knew that it would be awkward and she'd inquire about my income and all other types of information.  I mean..  I ain't seen her much in years.  Why does she care??  Her life revolves about being what she isn't.  She works at a factory and she wants people to think she is rich.  She was borned in a cabin and she wants people to believe that it was a castle.  How might she be able to get this by me?  I know.  It is obvious.  She can't get out 1 sentence without using a nonstandard form of English.  Arrr.  My favorite from today was 'sightseed'!  I mean really.. I'm far from critical about my home language.  Whatever I say at that moment is what I say.  She corrected me to my face the last time I went to her house for a family dinner.  I said the word brung and she informed me that it was supposed to be brought.  I mean really...!!???!!

So, then I inquired about my other aunt's church.  I guess her husband is a preacher in a local city.  I know he means well, but it certainly isn't my idea of a relevant church.  I asked if it was more of a northern or southern style Free Will Baptist church.  She turned around and told me that it was northern.  I liketa fell on the floor.  I mean.... really?  All of the people that goes are from the south except the preacher.  It was a direct slam on the family church which is very very hillbilly.  They don't care either.  It just is what it is.  I told her that I enjoy going to the family church for special events.  I like the music.  I then told her that I like my church too.  After all, that's why I go there!

Torn

I'm a torn person.  I want this and want that which leads to not wanting this or that.  I want to live in odd places.  I like living in odd places.  After some time, I start to feelin' like I don't wanna live in those places. Arrr.  I want to live in Detroit, yet I don't wanna live here.  I am content serving donuts and then I get annoyed serving donuts.  I wanna find another church and then I don't want to find another church.  I wanna go on vacation and then I decide I'd rather spend time here.  Why????????

Yesterday I sit on a chair for several hours looking at jobs.  I never applied for a one.  Why?? It takes so long to fill out these stupid applications and then I never hear anything back.  I've decided that I'm here because that is where I am supposed to be.  I could change it, but it wouldn't do any good.  I'd be brought back here at some point.  I made the very very difficult decision to leave my job in the cold hard town just to wanna go back.  So, here is sit again in front of the computer.  I ain't doing anything constructive.  The car needs washed and the clothes needs to be folded, but here is sit.

I'm just eager to find out what the next few months brings.  I have no idea what it will be.  I'd like to go to a cold bright place where the sun shines and the birds sing.  However, I am quite sure that it will be some place else.  First I have to get my eyes fixed.  I'm a scared more than anybody knows, but I hear it is worth it.  Perhaps I'll be able to see the world in a more brighter way.

More Time

It seems to me that I have way too much time.  I worked so much up there in the cold hard town that I became used to it.  Now, I ain't got a real job and the days seem long.  I can't say that I'm bored. They's too much to do. I remember listening to people who didn't work say, "I'm so busy." It used to kill me.  What were they thinking?  Now I know that they were busy doing other important things.  Stuff needs done no matter if you have a 'job' or not.

The more time I'm away from the cold hard town, I miss it.  There are more things about the place that bother me than those that I really like.  It ain't like I can change the annoying things.  They just are what they are.  Knowing every single person who you might pass at the grocery store is annoying to me.  I wanna be in a place where I don't know everyone.  Knowing some people is good, but not every single one.  Putting a diet pop in the buggy and having 3 people mention it the next day is an odd feeling.  Why do they care?   What do I miss?  I miss the people that are so real.  You know if someone is a jerk or not there within a few times of chatting it up.  There is much less pretending because you can't there.  Everything is in the open.  People in the cities needs to learn how to do that.  Just be real!!

I need more time to find a job before I'm jobless.  It certainly ain't fun to be jobless.  I mean... I have a lame job, but it is far too lame to make a living.  Time slips by so fast and every day an opportunity goes away.  I know that if I keep a lookin', I'll find something cool.  Who knows what's next?

Time without a shower in your house is very annoying.  I 'need' a shower every single day.  It makes the whole day work out better for me.  I don't feel nasty! Who wants that?  Hopefully, time will fix this.  I will make more of an effort to post more often.  It has been a long time since I last wrote.

Distance Time and Place

 I find myself thinking about these three things.  I just can't help from thing of them.  I am stuck sometimes.  My mind might drift, but it comes right back where it started.  Distance is the one thing that I can come to grips with myownself.  I understand it.  I know that if I am far from someone, I ain't gonna see them.  It is crystal clear.  It first hit me when I went to Quebec for the first time in high school.  I'z there for just one month and then gone.  I knew right then that I wadn't gonna see most of them people again.  It was before facebook and e-mail had come out, but I was not really into technology and I seen it as a bothersome thing to even try and stay in contact with people.  They's 3 or 4 that I kept in contact with , but the distance between us was the first thing that kept us apart.  Now, I'm away from everyone.  There's 2,200 people here. I bet they's that many people within walking distance of my house back home.  What a difference!!

Time goes by and time goes by.  There's some people that dies and some more that are born.  Time lets me improve and time allows me to not do what I could have because of my laziness.  Time apart from people often lets people start to driftin'.  They may not drift because the people want to drift, but they drift because time passes.  I can't think of many lines that anyone has ever said to me that I 'member word for word.  I do remember 'There's no such thing as quality time spent with people.  All time spent together is quality."  That's more truer than anything that anyone has ever said.  It's been time since I last wrote a blog.  Time passes.  So much happens.  I can't even begin to write down all of the things that I've experienced.  Just know that this place is very very very much like all places and very very very unlike all other places.  I've never passed an amount of time anywhere that has showed me more about more. 

Why do I get attached to places so quickly?  I like my seat at church, my kitchen table and so many other unnamed places.  Places remind me of times spent with people.  I love doing new things and then get pissed at myself for being selfish for allowing time and distance to separate me from those people.  If I'z to leave this place, I'd miss it.  I will leave at some point.  I'll travel a distance farther than most people has ever traveled.  Then, despite doing such a cool thing, I'll feel bad for what I can't control on the other side of the world.  The places with no food, shelter, transportation and clean water are a place too.  It's places like this that keep my mind a thinkin'.  I can do little or nothing to change most things.  I'm stuck.  If I go, I'll again be stuck.  It might sound as if this is a depressed ranting.  It ain't.  These are just some realities of life.  Actually, I'm pretty content. 

So Sure

I've not been writing much in the last few weeks.  Being on break would seem to be a time when writing would happen more.  Well, that didn't happen.  You might ask, "What did happen?" 

I guess I become sick the day after school let out.  I'z able to make it a couple of days when I was sure that I'd be healthy for the whole vacation.  I was excited to have the first at home vacation with nothing 'planned' since high school.  I was in a group of people who organized a local festival, so they's more than enough of events to attend.  Just as this festival ended, a group of three guys from the biggest church in Alaska came to the DLG Christian Youth Center.  I've been drug onto the board.  They ain't nobody else to do it.  At least...., that is how I viewed it when I started to workin' there.

The days seemed to come and go so fast.  I layed in bed in the morning most of the 14 days off barely able to get out of bed.  My head was a hurtin' and my throat hurt unlike none other.  I 'member thinking that I couldn't even make me some oatmeal in the morning.  I drug myself out of bed and done what needed to be done in order to raise funds for the youth center.  We worked so hard making homemade pretzels, pizzas, pudding, burritos, nachos and countless other foods and drinks.  The leaders come together and worked despite our shortcomings.  I was so unsure if it was worth all of the preparation.  However, I realized after 2 long nights of selling things at events that all of our planning was well worth the effort.  I was somehow now sick while I was serving.  However, it quickly hit me when we finished.  It was busy.  The biggest event of the town was certainly in front of me. 

Then the festival came to a end and I remained sick.  My throat was still a hurtin' and my chest, throat and neck went to hurtin' unlike none other.  I had the cold that was unstoppable.  Then the team arrived.  They had no idea even 3 days before that they'd end up in DLG.  They were supposed to go to Costa Rica.  There was a point when they was so sure that they'd be there.  However, they ended up here.  I tried my best to be there as much at the youth center despite my sickness.  They cleaned the basement out, covered the broken windows, patched the holes in the walls, cooked, cut wood, organized the office and basement, painted doors and many other things.  Our leaders at the youth center had never met them.  Most of all, they taught and hung out with the kids. 

I was in a small group yesterday when we read a question about when the last time was that we were sure that the Holy Spirit was present.  I was shocked at how easily I had an answer.  I am so sure that He was active in our lives.  The kids were greatly impacted by the team.  They spent only about 15 hours with them, but it impacted them greatly.  I am so sure how God can work within people.  I was almost unable to work during this time.  They's kids' lives that changed through such a small yet enormous visit.  They seen clearly that there was no other reason for the visit other than the Gospel.  It's been a while since I been so sure of this.  However, it is what it is!!

A Bit Much

It is finally time to take a break from work. I've worked since I got to the cold hard town ever bit of 55 hours a week plus.  I put in time at school and I've took two classes of my own.  There's just a sea of papers that waits for me all of the time.  I did right close to nothing today at work with the idea that tonight would be jammed packed full of tasks. 

First, I left school to go down to the university for my class.  I only managed to stay there for half of my class.  I knew that I was supposed to be somewhere else halfway through the class.  I just signed out of the online class and walked to an event at the elementary school.  You see.... this festival has consumed me in most ways for the last month or so.  I've went to several meetings and made pretzels and pizzas until I couldn't see right no more.  Trying to plan and plan and plan what people might buy for snacks at a talent show ain't usually what I do for fun.  They's 1/10th of the town there.  With 10 helpers a workin' we wadn't able to keep up with the sales.  There was kids walking up to us with a few dollars pointing and adults trying to keep their clan happy with a purchase of a pop.  Keep in mind, almost everything we sold was hand-made. Lots of work.

When we left, there was a blizzard a blowin' unlike I've ever seen in my life.  I was almost unable to carry a menu board across the parking lot while I was loading things into the cars.  I hollered that I'd be right out and they left.  I was stuck in a blizzard.  I couldn't see 3 feet in front of me.  I went to walking without a clear idea of where home was.  I knew it wasn't far since I live just across the street.  Just as I approached the road, a car stopped and an older Yu'pik man offered a ride.  I told him that I only live across the street.  Wow!

I got here and got some food from another festival meal over at the bingo hall.  I never dreamt that they's more that was going to happen.  The phone rung and the cold hard town had bad news.  Here I sit in the living room of my friend.  They just went to find someone in the cold hard town who was having a cold hard night a bit far off in the vast tundra.  Times are tough for some here.  Selling a pizza or two don't seem like it solves much.  However, they's so many problems that needs help.  Forget the papers that I grade and forget the rest.  The phone rings too much here.  I know that other people I know have felt the same way back home.  Too much sometimes is a bit much for people.  Pain and bad news seems to follow us all. 

Smelt Smelt

Today was a totally random yet not so random day.  I decided that I should sleep in and hope for a ride to church from somebody.  I had told my usual ride that they wasn't no way I was going to wake up 2 1/2 hours early in order to get to church.  I woke up at a reasonable time and noticed that my eye was a hurtin' unlike I have ever felt in my life.  It felt as if somebody was a gonna push my eye clear out of my head with a fork.  Not a good thing!  My friends came and we rode to church.

Church was very interesting with several odd things concerning one not so interesting churchgoer.  He was a rantin and a ravin about nonsense as I walked through the door.  I found my way to a nice piece of strawberry cake and sit down.  The not so perfected music started and the people went to singin songs that were right on in every way.  I like how I can look back on the service and remember how people just sung from where it matters rather than how perfect the 'band' was.  There's something to be said for that. 

I went on to a friend's house.  We decided to go on snowmachines and do some smelt fishing.  I didn't have no license so I wadn't able to fish.  We took off into the tundra on the snow-go at 60 mph or so.  I felt as if my nose was going to freeze off.  My goggles pushed my glasses and my hands were cold despite my well worn gloves.  I seen the most beautifulest mountains, sky and snow I ever seen in my life.  When we got to the ice fishing spot I caught a smell of smelt.  They smelt like a box of veggies that were a few days old.  They's about 15 of us that went including a newborn and two young'uns less than 5 years old.  Only one kid caught one smelt.  We went home cold and hungry.  The ride home was much colder than the 37 degree ride out.  I bet the temperature had went down a good 10 or so degrees.  This was a day that I could have never smelt from a mile away. 

Seeds of Life

I've been spending the last couple days communicating with this one and that one back home.  I got a text from my sister that said that my mom was going back to the hospital.  I didn't think too much about it.  I give it about 10 seconds thought.  It ain't like she hadn't spent the last week there.  I figured that it was more of the same thing.  However, it wadn't so simple.  I guess that she ate some pie during the day that she was out of the hospital.  Well, they's a ton of seeds in the strawberry pie and those tiny little seeds set in the most smallest of places in her digestive path.  Not good!  She ate that and about 24 hours after, she felt as if she was about to die.  Within 36 hours she was in surgery to remove all that those seeds had done.

I find seeds to be some of the most interesting things that God ever made.  They can be put in the ground and grow up to be a huge redwood tree.  I guess that they can find theirselves in a tiny little hole and cause hell inside someone.  I never dreamt that something like that could happen so fast.  It sure don't take too long for a tiny seed to cause such a problem, yet it takes hundreds of years for a tiny seed to grow into a huge tree.

I been a thinkin' about seeds a whole lot lately.  I guess the most smallest thing really can cause the best or worst things in our lives.  I wonder why this is possible.  If this is done, then that will happen.  The rules of cause and effect are very interesting.  Hopefully, life will take some good turns for me and some others that I know.  Why does people get the chance to plant seeds even if they will not sprout?  What about them seeds that grow to be redwoods?  I don't know!

Down Home Up North & Out Of Control

I've had a week of trials up here in this cold hard town.  My mom has been sick with heart issues for about 5 years and this week was certainly not a good time.  Thankfully I've managed to make this home up north like down home.  I bring down home with me where ever I go.  I 'member when I went to South Korea. I brung this cd mix with me of all my favorite songs.  I pulled out that cd last night.  Me and a friend visit for about 2 hours after going out to eat.  This cd took me back home.  Neither one of is from here, so we just sit around and talked about life down home compared with life up north.  They's so many things that are going on in our lives down home and we feel a bit stuck and powerless up here.

When I was walking to school on Friday, I liketa fell about 5 times.  Just when I thought that I was about to get my balance back, something almost swept me right back down at the ground.  I've only really fell once so far to where I got hurt.  I jumped up within 3 seconds as if nothing had happened.  However, as I was watching a 3 hour presentation in the gym my back started to hurting unlike anything I've ever felt before.  I just crept up on me.  It felt as if someone had pulled me by the hair of the head and swung my head around a few times.  It was not a good feeling.  My neck and back really took a beating and has hurt since.

Mom was in the hospital for the last week.  I asked her if she thought that I should come back during spring break.  She told me that it was a stupid idea and I should save my money.  She said they give her morphine a few times in the last few hours, so I figured it wadn't a good thing.  I ended up calling a couple people who she had asked me to call for her.  It was odd to try and tell them what was going on within a few miles of where they were from all the way up north.  I had right close to no details.  Those phone calls is what inspired the title of this blog.  I wish that I could be down home, but I'm still up here waiting for June.  It is at that time that I will go down home.  

Mix and Match

I made another pot of soup unlike all the rest that I've ever made.  I put in a bit of this and a bit of that in the soup.  It rolls the flavor into something like a thickly wound plait.  All the flavors are so close together.  No matter how I mix the soups, they ain't never the same.  I can get right close, but it ain't never exactly what I've done in the past.  I need to get me come moose so I can start to makin' some stews and burger soups. 

Having a day off cuz I was sick was the best curse I could have had.  I done so much.  I was able to lay there and talk on the phone and surf the web.  I even got some grading done.  I hated being at home.  I hate to call off.  I 'member one time when I worked at Timmy's when I called in and told my boss that I was sick.  I come in right after and give him a line about how I felt better.  My stomach was a crampin' unlike no other time.  I want to barf, but I couldn't miss a day of work.  Yesterday, my friend reminded me of that time and we laughed. He reminded me that when I walked in I said, "Don't make me wear a hairnet!"  I didn't even bother to explain why I had called around and then turned around and came into work.

I have had a hard time feeling like I match.  I don't really care one way or the other about clothes. I'm well known for having the same clothes for a decade and not caring.  However, without my orange jacket, I feel like I don't match no more.  The first time I was without it, it seem like I had to somehow find something orange to make myself match in my own way.  I still ain't been able to do it.

I had a very interesting experience in the cold hard town.  The explosive gas alarm went off and I passed that info on to my landlord.  He give me a line that it was cuz I had just took a shower.  I told him that when I press the alarm it says 'gas 210'.  I told him that if he was to look in the manual that it would say exactly what '210' means.  I suspect that it means that they's gas in my room.  If you hear that the Thai Inn blowed up, you'll know the landlord knew.  Something don't match up in this one.

Funny Things and Things That Make Me Think

Today is the first day in 7 years that I have called into work and give them the bad news.  I went to bed early last night. I've been a workin' so hard that I've drove myself into the ground. I woke up 2 hours after I went to sleep and I quickly realized that I only had a minute to get to the toilet.  I officially had the flu or something like the runs.  I had to somehow have sub plans on my desk for a sub in the morning. I mustered up enough energy in myself to start to gettin' dressed in order to walk acrosst the cold hard road.  They was this blizzard unlike any that I had seen so far.  The wind was a blowin' so hard and it liketa blowed me over twice.  I had no energy.  I climbed the stairs and pulled out my plans and wrote the board work on the board.  I then had to make it back across the cold hard road to my tiny abode.  It was my first time that I have called in sick since time begun.  Am I a gettin' old or just sick?  I feel much better, but I still feel as if there's a brick or two pressing on my chest.

I started this class at the university just down the road.  It is a very different university experience.  I can walk down either of the two halls and I'm likely to run into 4 people who I know.  Only 8 people may pass me.  This means that I know nearly half of the town in less than 4 months.  I'm taking a class called 'Teaching Academic Classes Online'.  I had many a problem logging in and the prof told me that in the worst case situation, I could just sit in her office. Now, that's distance education for you.  So funny!! I liketa fell out of my chair.  I enjoy the class.  I enjoy school.  I guess it is something that makes me think.

I can't wait for the summer to come a rollin' around again.  I feel like a kid for the first time in a while. There is so much joy for the simple things.  Waiting for the next snowfall or the next summer vacation makes me calm, cool and collected.  When I went 'down states' I had a wonderful time, but I longed to come back to where the 'snow-gos rip' and they know me by name at the store.  I love knowing everyone.  Time and distance erodes some friendships and family relationships, but not for all.  In most cases, there's no such thing as 'quality time' spent with people.  Time spent is time earned toward something that is priceless.  There is no such thing as quality time.  All time is quality.  No time is more important than any other. 

Problems

I feel so isolated from problems here in the cold hard town.  Don't get me wrong. The problems are a plenty, but I only see them on the surface.  There's a form of bliss that surrounds me here. I know of problems, but I'm so disconnected from them that it don't make no bit of difference to me.  It is a good place to be, and at the same time it is sad.  I need to be involved with the good and bad of the lives of people around here. I am usually among so many people who tend to want to show that they ain't nothin' a goin' wrong in their lives. I bet they lie to their-own-selves.  They's stuff going great in my life, and things that I'd like to change.

This is the first time I've truly been away from 'home' in my life.  Sure, I done been around the world many times, but each of the other times I felt as if I was attached in some way to that other cold hard town. (It's frequently colder in Detroit than here) I am away from 'home', but it is no longer the place that I miss.  I don't miss the roads or the city lights no more.  I miss the people more than ever.  I still don't want to come home.  It bothers me that they's people with really really bad stuff going on, and I am not there.  Do I seek problems? No, I am actually a scared of them.  However, for the time, I am sheltered from serious problems here in the cold hard town.  The people I am around frequently act as if they ain't nothin' wrong going on which makes it much harder to relate to people.

Problems bring growth.  Sure, I've had little problems here that I've growed through and they didn't seem too bad at the time. I just sit here a thinkin' how I'll handle a serious problem surrounded by so many people who either don't share their problems or who pretend that they ain't got none.  So, I spend even more time praying that the serious problems back home with so many people I love work out toward the good that we cannot understand from this side. 

So Much

They's so much to say and so many things a driftin' through my mind.  My vacation back home was mostly amazingly sweet.  I got to see almost everyone for at least a short conversation.  I wanted to see everyone so much more.  I wanted to come back here so much more.  I got back and went to bed instead of bringing in the New Year.  Instead, I slept for 13 hours like a baby that hadn't slept in days.  This too was so much, but not too much.  I had flew and was lucky enough to meet some super sweet people.  I even met a little guy named Joshua who almost never cried during our 4 hour flight.  He was right cool and his parents were also pretty interesting.  In fact, we had plenty to talk about for 4 hours and even thought I was tired,  I stayed awake to chat it up.

While there was so much to do while I was in the big D, there ended up being so much sadness at certain points.  Despite the joy of Christmas, there was a cloud of darkness.  This Christmas was the first in all of my life that showed light and darkness mixed together.  Both family and friends give me enough reasons to reflect a bit more deeply about that day long ago.  I run myself crazy while I was there trying to do everything, and a bit was missed.

Now that I'm back in the cold hard town, I've seen a crazy blizzard like none other. I walked to school with drifts of almost 3 feet in places.  I worked all day long and they's so much more that needs done. My mind keeps a thinkin' on what I should have done rather than what I done.  There's so much to do.